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Auteur Sujet: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change  (Lu 4944 fois)

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Dr Memory

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Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« le: 03 septembre 2006 à 03:34:44 »

I wish to thank everyone for their patience and support.  I had really intendend is publishing sooner but a number of things occurred that made it difficult to write.

I have spent a significant amount of time since May traveling.  Six weeks of my summer were spent traveling on company business.  It does give me some time to write in the evenings, but it is still rather disruptive.  My wife and I were also unfortunate to have been involved in an automobile accident.  Neither of us were really hurt, but just the hassle of dealing with insurance companies is a realy pain in the... whatever.  Add to that one fried hard disk drive on my computer and well... life this summer sucked.

That's enough of the excuses.... let's get to the story.

When I originally started working on Seasons of Change (while I was still publishing New Beginnings) I had intended it to be another 26 episode story.  But as I began to write I found that was not going to be the case.  At this point, Seasons of Change will be 39 episodes and two stories that were going to be part of Seasons of CVhange have been moved into Season five (currently unnammed, but I have a few ideas).  I am currently working to finish episode 26.  The remaining 13 episodes for Seasons of Change have been outline (and some writing done) and they will be finished in time for publishing in proper sequence.

I would like to make some comments about comments I received both here and through reviews on the FanFiction.net site (where I have had nearly 7000 hits).

Yes, there are a number of story lines that do seem a bit "too good to be true".  Most of that is just my writing style, but there are several that are intended to be "too good to be true" for a reason.  Please bear with me.

Something that I knew before and writing these stories only confirms... I am not very good at writing action sequences.  Episodes that have included any type of action sequence have taken me far longer to write.  I am just terrible at it, but I will do my best.

Lastly, with this publishing sequence, since I am still working on the story and I will be publishing another story (one based on Ranma 1/2) also, I may not get back and respond to your comments right away.  I will make any corrections you note and I will, as always, read and consider all of your comments.  At some point during the week (before I publish the next episode) I will re-post a revised episode and answer any comments.

Thank you again for your support.

And now I present to you for your consideration, Episode 1 of Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change.

Update:  Thank you for your input.  Three sources each found different errors and I found several more when I was making those changes.   I am replacing the old version with the updated copy.  Thank you again
« Modifié: 08 septembre 2006 à 02:07:27 par Dr Memory »
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DrizzlingEnthalpy

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #1 le: 04 septembre 2006 à 05:46:40 »

First response! Reading right now; will edit this post with opinion once finished.

EDIT: Finished. Your story seems to be progressing nicely and logically, but the characters seem to have changed quite a bit at this point from the anime. I suppose that makes sense growth-wise, but it kind of feels less like a continuation of the series now. This was gradual; it wasn't new to this season.


Heh... "Mahoro, people will get suspicious if they can’t find the body." It took me a minute to realize that was a joke. XD

As it's after midnight and I'm too tired now to mention grammatical corrections, I'll just paste the passages here that need to be corrected here:

Would it be better is it came equipped with a particle beam cannon.

 I think she’s going overboard with how helpless I’m suppose to be.

 I mean, three major wars that had been going on for years came to a complete halt.  They are talking about signing peace treaties within the week.

 I have to agree with.

 Am I correct in detecting that the Shining of the Dark is still on-line.
« Modifié: 04 septembre 2006 à 06:14:21 par DrizzlingEnthalpy »
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Dr Memory

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #2 le: 10 septembre 2006 à 02:32:40 »

I would like to thank everyone for their input on episode 1.

Beginning with this episode, the zip fil will contain both and HTML version of the story and a PDF version since the feedback was somewhat split.  The PDFs are somewhat larger and the don't compress as well.

I present for your comment Episode 2 of Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change.

Update:  I found a few things that needed corrections, so here are the updated files
« Modifié: 17 septembre 2006 à 03:28:01 par Dr Memory »
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Dr Memory

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #3 le: 17 septembre 2006 à 03:30:19 »

I present for your comments Episode 3 of Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change

Update:
Thanks for the help.  This is now an updated version
« Modifié: 24 septembre 2006 à 20:19:14 par Dr Memory »
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DaemonStar

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #4 le: 24 septembre 2006 à 02:39:48 »

I have a mistake for you Dr. in episode 3:

Mahoro: I’ll assume that there won’t be a problem with this at Akine-chan’s and Harune-chan’s school, but the principal and Suguru’s school has made it quite clear that he does not like the way he is being told to run the school. Do you think there will be any problems?

hope this helps, Dr.
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DrizzlingEnthalpy

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #5 le: 24 septembre 2006 à 05:39:33 »

Sorry for not responding for a while. I am reading the two most recent episodes tonight and will respond with my thoughts tomorrow.
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Dr Memory

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #6 le: 24 septembre 2006 à 20:23:15 »

Things have been a bit crazy for me.  I've been working out of a hotel room for the last seven days and will continue to do so for at least the next ten.  High spped internet connections in the room are great.

If you spot anything, please let me know.  I find, even after five or six readings, there arestill mistakes.

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #7 le: 26 septembre 2006 à 00:14:48 »

I've got more corrections for you Dr. Memory. Well here they are:

Yasou: Actually, it sounds like it might be fun. Our schools didn't have any similar activities.

Nayoko: Crop cycles?

Leesha: Even if it was at my grandson’s expense, I think you made some progress tonight. Far more progress than I expected. At least they were willing to listen.

I hope these help.
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Dr Memory

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #8 le: 03 octobre 2006 à 05:40:40 »

I'd like to thank everyone for their patients.  This is my third week on the road and working 12 to 14 hours days does not do much for the creative process... or leave much time to get releases out.

There are two downloadables with this post; an update for episode 4 and a first release of episode 5.

I hit what I consider an important milestone.  Mahoromatic -- New Beginnings just passed 7500 hits.

Thank you again for your patients and time.

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DaemonStar

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #9 le: 03 octobre 2006 à 14:03:53 »

I've got more corrections for you, mostly punctuation.
Well here you go:

Scene fades to Suguru, Minawa, Hamaji, Chizu, Kaito, Miyuki and Riku walking home after school. Hamaji, with Minawa walking next to him hand in hand, is talking with Suguru. Slash is also walking next to Suguru.

Suguru: Thank you, Mahoro. I’ll be down in a minute.
Mahoro: Suguru, I want to apologize for last night. I’m not even sure why I let them do that to you. I hope you’re not angry with me.
Suguru: No, Mahoro. I wasn’t angry with you last night and I’m not angry with you now.
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Dr Memory

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #10 le: 11 octobre 2006 à 04:11:30 »

Now that I'm home from a three week road trip, I hope to get on a more regular schedule of getting the story and corrections posted.  The last two week were not easy (average of twelve hour work days) and it didn't leave much time for the important things, like posting.

I present for your comment and hopefully your enjoyment Episode 6 of Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change.

(Plus the updates for episode 5)
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DrizzlingEnthalpy

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #11 le: 13 octobre 2006 à 20:57:33 »

I just finished reading your latest installment. Here are the grammatical corrections for today:

"...would like Minawa and I to attend with them" should be "Minawa and me".

"...something very imprortant... you Mahoro" should have a comma before "Mahoro".

"...and then to something special tonight" should replace the "to" with "do".

"...the principal asked us to this" should have a "do" between "to" and "this".

"I wish my mom's cooking was as good as Mahoro-san. You know Suguru-kun you are really lucky" should have three changes: Make "Mahoro-san" possessive and add commas after "know" and "Suguru-kun".

"...help getting things set up" should end in a question mark instead of a period.

That's all I found. Good luck with the next chapter. :D
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Dr Memory

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #12 le: 19 octobre 2006 à 21:46:03 »

Greetings All

I am a bit late in posting in revisions and posting the next episode, but things have been quite unusual for the last few days.

Buffalo, NY which gets more than enough of it's share of snow and notoriety for it, had an event that was unusual even for Buffalo.  Last Thursday it bagan snowing.  Snow in October is a bit unusual, but not unheard of.  What was unusual was that in less than 12 hours we received 22 inches of snow... heavy wet snow.  Most of the trees still had most of their leaves and this is what caused the problem.  The heavy snow damaged many trees (over 80% of the trees in Buffalo and the surrounding area were damaged in some way).  The branches that broke took out power lines.  At the peak of the storm over 400,000 homes and businesses were without power.

My home was one of those that lost power.  In fact, at this witting, my home is one of the 60,000 that still does not have power and I do not expect power to be restored for at least 3 or 4 more days.  Currently we are borrowing power from a neighbor to keep my basement dry and we are using our camping gear to light the house and keep warm.

Unfortunately I do not have a propane powered computer or access to the internet from my home.  I'm taking a break at work to post this.

I am including updates to episode 6 and posting episode 7 for your comments.

PLEASE NOTE:
Episode 7 does not have a preview for episode 8.  This is not a mistake.  This is by design.

Thank you for your help and patients
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Dr Memory

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #13 le: 27 octobre 2006 à 04:29:38 »

Greeting

Things are almost back to normal aound here (as normal as things ever get around Buffalo).  We got power back to my house this last Friday (slightly over a week after it we lost it) and phone service this last Sunday.  It's amazing how much you miss the simple comforts (like light and heat).

They are stll cleaning up the fallen branches and trees.  It may take them up to two more weeks before that is all done.

I have a few updates for Episode 7 and an initial version of episode 8.

Thank you all again for your help.

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Dr Memory

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Re: Mahoromatic -- Seasons of Change
« Réponse #14 le: 03 novembre 2006 à 05:41:26 »

Greetings All

For your reading pleasure, here are some revisions to episode 8 and a new Episode 9.

Thank you all for your help and support.
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